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The following times I jerked off, just in order
to reach plaisure
quickly, my fantasies kept on being with me with men around me. That
put me the possibility of having sex much easier and more factible,
much easier than fucking a girl, whose world I thought to be
non-understandable. So what at first was something to have an orgasm
quickly, ended up by being my favourite sexual fantasy.
I saw myself having sex with any type of men. I longed for it eagerly,
and I thought it to be very easy. But I never saw myself in love with a
man. It was only sex, love was in the field of the girls. So there I
was that summer, so confused that I did not know what I really liked or
what I really wanted. That's why I needed those days home alone so as
to think for myself and decide what was what I really wanted.
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